discussion on ???racism???: a serious post

Disclaimer-- I am a Filipino/white girl and I choose solely to speak for myself and no one else.

With that aside, I've been concerned with how much racism and cultural appropriation has been touching the media lately, especially since these topics are obviously very sensitive yet not discussed enough.

Today in my media class, my teacher lectured on oblivion and racism during the 1920's, and how things like blackface were considered to be "mere entertainment" during that time. She then showed us clips from The Jazz Singer, a very popular talkie movie during the 1920's where a Jewish man (Al Jolson) puts on a blackface and sings and dances and yada yada.

Al Jolson

These kinds of racist antics have been rid of for over 80 years now, yet I still felt a wave of discomfort and disgust when watching clips from this film. How could people have been so easily accepting of the mockery of an oppressed race? I'm not trying to sound like some kind of martyr who doesn't see fault in my prejudice slips, but you gotta wonder.

Afterwards, she opened the class up for discussion. "It's good we've progressed and racism isn't so blatantly present today." My classmates quickly began to speak up and object against her statement. One guy brought up Miley Cyrus at the VMAs as an example. Although it's pretty sad, pretty much EVERYONE right now has some background knowledge of this incident-- probably even more so than they do of what's going on in Syria right now (what issss goin on in Syria?!). 

On a totally different subject, I whole-heartedly respect Miley for her performance. She got the exact reaction she wanted and forced everyone to see that she was completely done with her childhood image. 

On this current subject, I cannot whatsoever applaud Miley Cyrus on her sudden interest in black culture and her poor attempts to try and "practice" these "FADS." An ethnic lifestyle is not a fad. 

I mean, she literally used black people as PROPS. I don't think that needs any further explanation...

The saddest part about all of this? The girl can't even twerk.
(Joking, not really the saddest part.)

For the longest time I have chosen to ignore anything related to Lana Del Rey simply for petty reasons that lead to me just not being interested in her work. But I've recently come across an article somewhere discussing the origin of the stage name "Lana Del Rey" and how it romanticizes a latin-sounding name even though, typically, people are profiled immediately for that anywhere else. This issue only bothers me slightly, it's not something to really get boiled over about. So the name sounds pretty, it suits her, alright. So then I finally see this Ride music video everyone seems to be freaking out about because Lana sports a headdress in it, for what I believe, seem to be for aesthetic purposes.

Even if she is trying to symbolize bravery/honor/etc (I admittedly do not know much about what exactly different headdresses symbolize), this whole Native American-turned trend has been being fueled for quite a while now, so to try and distinguish just-a-trend between significant-meaning is kind of a bad excuse.

Nonetheless, as my opinions towards this lingered after class, one of my classmates and I began to talk about the Lana Del Rey situation over girls' room bonding. She too was a bit uncomfortable about the whole use of a headdress as a garment, being part Native American herself. She mentioned that she brought this up to her grandmother, who she views as a pretty traditional Native American. She said that her grandmother reacted kind of nonchalantly, seeming to not be bothered by it at all. So I wonder, and want to hopefully discuss with someone who reflects the same feelings as this grandmother, why or how can these things be ignored? I figured maybe it was because appropriation has sort of morphed into this norm over the past few years so many of us have become numb to it.

Then I thought more about the idea of just accepting these faults. Maybe it's not that people are tolerating the media for what they have been told are "right" portrayals, but more so people ARE being aware and seeing these flaws but are choosing to accept that the media and our stars have their flaws and are hopefully working to recognize and fix them.

It's not about being hateful and closed-off towards all and any misdemeanors that are broadcasted to us daily. Honestly, a lot of shit in this world is offensive no matter what. We just have to be smart about it. I'm starting to learn that it's more about just constantly being CONSCIOUS of what can be offensive and how it can be, doing what I can to keep from further perpetuating that which IS strongly offensive (racist, sexist, whateverist), and to always keep the discussion going. It's easy to forget sometimes that these are pretty sensitive subjects we're talking about here and that every voice on these matters is important.

I have repeatedly found myself so aggressively glued to my opinion and my opinion only that it's just transformed into a hateful mess. That's where progress always seems to stop.

So sure, Lady Gaga's cool. She makes rad music; she is a big inspiration to the LGBT community. But when she does something like this:

Burqa Swag: totally inappropriate on a whole new level; we're using a religious garment now to represent repressed sexuality-- cool. 

It's important to know that this is not okay. It's important to consume wisely and to question the motives behind things like this.

Lady Gaga is well-known for making dramatic fashion statements that have so far been accepted and celebrated as trends over the past few years. But when a burqa is presented and sort of marketed towards us as some kind of sexy, alluring piece of LINGERIE, it's anyone's right to call that shit out.

Calling shit out and talking about it: the stuff America should be made of goddammit.

hot hot summer

So I thought I'd take the time to finally do a post on SUMMER VIBES and how I feel exactly about summer in general.

I realize that summer is kind of a lot of peoples' favorite time of the year-- since it's often associated with parties, vacations, teenage freedom, and more. Honestly though, I've always romanticized summer during times of the year when it WASN'T around, dreaming about hot fudge sundaes and sitting on rooftops at odd hours of the night-- but when summer actually does come rolling around, my fantasies turn into realities I eventually come to loathe: body image insecurities, always being broke, and being consumed by Netflix from dusk til dawn (which really isn't a bad thing... to me, I think.)

So the point is, I really don't dig summer all that much. I am infatuated with summer NIGHTS, but summer in general... not so much. I personally tend to associate summer with images of loneliness and longing: a 15 year old girl sitting at the curb of a gas station late at night, waiting for a van full of strangers to come pick her up to take her to god knows where. I also like to associate summer with images of a bustling world and unapologetic recklessness. Three friends sneaking into their old high school to get drunk and climb trees. Cops are in sight and they hop the fence into someone's backyard. They take a swim in the person's pool for a bit.

Summer can be pretty for a lot of people. It can be daisies in your hair, lemonade on your patio, and taking naps in the backseat of a car on the way to Arizona.

It can also be pretty rough around the edges for a lot of people. Summer is fast food bags at the bottom of your car (a.k.a me), bleeding at a punk show but crowd surfing anyways, and digging through the bottom of your purse to try and find the five dollar bill you could've sworn you had in there.

All in all, summer is what you choose to make of it. Whatever choice that may be, doesn't necessarily have to be the "wrong" one. If you want to spend your summer making it a goal to watch all of the movies in the romantic comedy section on Netflix, then all power to you! If you want to spend your summer hanging out with strangers in strange places with strange herbs, then all power to you (as long as you're safe I guess).

Just remember to not romanticize summer as this one, sole image that you expect yourself to live through. It isn't, it can be anything you want it to be and you can associate anything you want to with it.

A friend showed me this video almost a year ago and it made me pretty uncomfortable, in a good way (if there is one). It's an example of how the thought-to-be pretty aspects of summer can indeed turn raunchy and very, very weird.




Here's a mix I made earlier today filled with glorious, dreamy summer songs!!! Listen to it as you browse through the following pictures.

HOT hot SUmMeR from obscuura on 8tracks Radio.

And here are a few photos that I found lurking on the ~internet~ that I think are perfect with associating my feelings towards summer:

an ode to pippi longstocking

For a while now I've developed this strange but chronic obsession with Pippi Longstocking.

A few years ago, when I was still an avid Seventeen Magazine reader, I came across an interview spread of Drew Barrymore (who I was too pretty obsessed with.. I mean, Drew Barrymore is a babe and a BAMF).

Anyways, I can't recall much of this interview but what I do significantly remember is a part when the interviewer asked about a Pippi Longstocking picture hanging on Drew's wall, in which Drew confidently remarked as her idol. A successful, grown woman being interviewed by a magazine for teen girls A.K.A. me was telling me that Pippi Longstocking held "role model" credentials. So I had to wonder why.

And I did, for a very long time, until I started to make brief visits to my library to maybe read a bit of these Pippi Longstocking books. And maybe watch a few clips from the show/movie on Youtube. And maybe I started applying Pippi's own ideologies to my own life. Until I became obsessed and Pippi Longstocking was now, too, my role model.

Here's an essay I wrote a little less than a year ago, mostly on Pippi, but originally as a personal statement draft for Universities. No, I did not use this as my personal statement, but I still am damn sure proud of it.

I am a girl. I was born a girl, raised as a girl, so therefore, I am a girl. Along with what it “means” to be a girl, I was raised with Barbies, frilly pink dresses, and the expectation to always stand up straight and sit with my legs crossed. Growing up, these are some of the things that defined me as a girl. I was never told to fight—that was boy’s play. I was never even told to stand up for myself, in fact, I’m pretty sure that the idea of being a damsel in distress was imbedded into my mind early on in my childhood. I had brown hair, brown eyes, fair skin, and a mouthy attitude that seemed to be the only flaw—to adults—that distracted from my “almost perfect” female persona. I knew I was mouthy, and I was perfectly fine with that. I was endlessly asking questions and wondering why I had to behave a certain way. Was I trying to impress anyone? Or was I being told to behave a certain way for my own benefit? Confused and stripped away from my youthful joy, I was confined to being this “girl” that the adults around me had already defined for me, without letting me make my own definition of what it was exactly, to be a girl.

            Not only did I spend the majority of my childhood playing with dolls and obsessing over puppies and kittens, but my mother also gave me the privilege to spend hours on end watching old TV shows like Shirley Temple, Pippi Longstocking, and The Little Rascals. Although I used to loathe my mom for not making me get “active,” and letting me sit in front of a television screen all day, I now appreciate this because without it, I wouldn’t have been able to embrace the character that is, Pippi Longstocking. Pippi was a girl, she was a child, and she was mouthy, just like me. All of a sudden, she felt the most relatable. She was fearless! She had spunk! She never wanted to grow up! I admire Pippi for all of these things, and as I grew older, so did my fear of adulthood and my fear of losing my “spunk”—the same spunk that Pippi had.

 At sixteen, I’ve already lost a few remnants of Pippi. She seemed to have dithered away as I slowly replaced childhood girl power with irrelevant teenage dilemmas. But once in a while, I’m caught in situations where I do ask myself, What Would Pippi Do? And even though it may seem silly to call upon a childhood hero for comfort, confidence, and spunk, my childhood hero is really the only thing I can rely on as a teenager to keep me from turning into the vapid adult that was so constantly depicted as the enemy in the Pippi Longstocking series.  

            So often as a teenage girl, I am being told what to do by adults. I am being told what’s right for me without actually knowing why they are right. I am constantly not being challenged and I am constantly being tamed for how I feel. Every day I see my fellow peers just trying to survive one day without being humiliated or being alienated.  The more I encounter these daily endeavors, the more frustrated I become with not only myself as a teenage girl, but with what the people around me are letting themselves become: fearful.

            Through Pippi, I have learned that it’s okay to make fun of myself once in a while. Sometimes, taking life a little less seriously actually brings out a whimsical attitude I didn’t think I’d find in me. Pippi has taught me that my feelings are valid, and that I’m allowed to feel anything I want to feel, without having anyone tell me that it is wrong or that I’m “too emotional.” Sometimes I forget that I am entitled to my thoughts and feelings when everyone else around me seems to feel a certain way and I’m left feeling isolated and cast away because of a different point of view. But this extremity in opinion that Pippi has carried over onto me is exactly what gives me back my childhood girl power. And yes, I still say childhood, because like Pippi, I should never have to grow up. And by that I mean, I should never have to lose my spunk. 

The idea of turning into an adult has a dreaded reputation that even Pippi Longstocking probably won’t appreciate. But for me, and from what Pippi has taught me, being an adult now means doing what is right for me with no fear by being able to outstand any situation… with spunk! Adults can keep telling me how to be a girl, how to be an adult, and how to be successful, but my choice to define who I want to be and how I’m going to achieve being that person is really the most important thing for me to focus on during these loathsome teenage years.

            I am no longer the damsel in distress that has been taught repetitively to hold myself back, and to tame myself to be lady-like. I now proudly say what I want to say with no regards to anyone’s approval. I challenge myself daily and I persevere through any sticky situations, just like Pippi has shown me I can. I define being a girl as someone with an intense boldness, a moving voice, control over choice, and most importantly, spunk. 

“Don’t let them get you down: Be cheeky and wild and wonderful!”

—	from: Pippi Longstocking by Astrid Lindgren

diary entry: siddhartha, oh siddhartha

Lately I've been feeling like a lot of the things I've been talking about/posting on here have become too analytical and structured; I feel like I haven't been letting my mind wander on its own, expressing things that-- even though of little rationale-- are exactly what is currently on my mind.

It's been a while since I've read a book that I've unconditionally fallen in love with. The last book I remember reading that thoroughly engrossed me in any and every aspect, was Siddhartha by Herman Hesse.

I wrote the following around the time I finished the novel: some time around last spring, I think. But I think it's still a completely relevant portrayal of what my mind's like in its raw, fresh, """diary""" friendly state.

Oh, p.s. Siddhartha is a novel written in the 20's that basically deals with a man (Siddhartha's) journey towards enlightenment, branching from his dissatisfaction with the lifestyles he keeps encountering and finding flaws in. It's, to me, an existential novel about self-discovery and so-called wisdom. I can honestly say it is one of my, if not my only, favorite novel.

"I’m too stressed out, I’m starting to scare myself. Siddhartha is a wonderful, wonderful tale and I wish to live my life like Siddhartha does. To not become accustomed to a certain doctrine or teaching, to be able to accept doctrines and religions but to never succumb to a strict faith. I want to be everyone and everything at once. I want to “listen to the river”, for it is everywhere all at once… and it does not believe in time. How do you avoid time though? We depend on it so much…. where would we be without it?  I want to indulge myself with worldly pleasures, I want to be taught love and desire. I want to be on the edge, giving in, so close to suicide. then, I want redemption. I want my my own personal epiphany. One to tell me that the life I lead must be simple, and that I must be satisfied with that. Siddhartha, I think.. you’re slowly changing my life."

i suck

Hi~ really quick update. I am currently without a laptop because my screen cracked a while ago, and I've been using my mother's. Unfortunately I refuse to put any of my files onto this laptop because it would take FOR E V E R and I'm expecting to get a new laptop soon. This is why I have not been blogging lately!!

Also, because my camera's memory card is full, BECAUSE I refuse to import files onto my mother's laptop. Yes, I am stubborn. I'll update soon with what I can, I promise <3333

fourteen

I'm turning seventeen in a couple of months and getting ready for college in less than seven. A lot of things right now seem to be going by too quickly. I feel like I don't even have time to reflect on my life and who I currently am. I am endlessly worrying about what I need to do and who I need to be and there seems to be no room for laughter or love or childish games. Which I really miss.

I miss being fourteen (GOD I'm only a couple of years older so I really shouldn't even be nostalgic about ninth grade but still) and I miss the feeling that THIS song specifically gives me. I recently discovered Beat Happening (UGH where were you guys when I was a sad ninth grader?!) and I think they might be turning into my favorite band, like ever.

They give me positive chills up my spine that feels like having a first kiss and being weird about it.

degrassi babes

When I was an 8th grader going into the 9th grade, I created an elaborate fantasy in my mind telling myself that high school was going to be like Degrassi. I wanted the mean cheerleader, I wanted to know kids whose  parents had cancer or who had gotten abortions when they were like 14, I wanted to be in a band called The Zit Remedy and only have one hit single.. I had somehow connected in my mind that in order to have an interesting life, you had to have drama. And not just any regular teenage drama, DEGRASSI DRAMA.

There was a sudden urge to grow up for me, or at least, to be the cool high school girl. And in order to know how to do this, I turned to the closest thing I had that seemed like an adequate guide into teaching me how to handle lesbian teachers, shoplifting friends, parties with alcohol, and at the same time-- remaining ~cool~.

During my search for eternal high school coolness, I was going through an odd, yet totally not regrettable, 80's phase. I listened to Cars by Gary Numan for hours on end, I watched and watched and rewatched The Goonies until I was greeting my friends with, "HEEY YOU GUUUYYSSS," and I was collecting style ideas from icons like Cyndi Lauper, Molly Ringwald, and the totally cool babes from Degrassi (80's of course)

Here is a post made in honor of my two favorite style babes of Degrassi: Caitlin and Spike. 

Obviously Caitlin didn't really care what "flattered" her when it came to wardrobe, she always wore pretty loose-fitting clothing that was sometimes masculine. 

The Caitlin Ryan signature headband. There are so many failed attempts in my past of trying to do this look. Only Caitlin can do it </3

So new wave. The think I loved the most about Caitlin was that she didn't really "fit" into a certain clique in Degrassi. She flowed through different crowds and ultimately did her own thing and was still very likeable. 

Another masculine look on Caitlin. But she is still totally hot.

This one reminds me of a pirate version of Minnie Mouse. So rad.

I like to call her signature streak the "Bride of Frankenstien streak." I think it fits. I can't really tell in this picture but it looks like she's wearing a necklace with the Egyptian ankh symbol, this just makes Caitlin 103455993+ times more rad for being totally in touch with other cultures/religions!!! Ugh Caitlin <3

That hair. That brooch. That penetrating gaze.

Caitlin's outfit here reminds me of a really toned down version of Nancy Spungen. Shout out to Joey's fashion sense too.

I CANNOT elaborate enough on how much I love that print on Spike's sweater... or, how much I love Spike in general. She was pretty well known for sporting the vest/tee combo, bolo ties, scarves, turtlenecks, and even though everyone wore pretty big jackets during the winter, she sported the long coat the best.

Spike at it again with her vest/tee combo. Shoutout to Liz and her skinhead rebelliousness.

What I loved most about Spike and her style was that even though she was short, and I mean shorter than most of the girls on the show, she used her style and edginess to make herself seem far more than just the cutesy, little girl, which she definitely was not. That is a damn hard thing to pull off when you're short.

I never though spandex biker shorts and acid washed denim could look so good together.

Spike got me into dressing "punk" and somewhat "new wave." She wore skirts with clunky shoes and she wore cute cardigans with bolo ties. It made me feel like I didn't have to be restricted to the ideal feminine way of dressing. I can wear mini skirts and fat shoes with ties and still feel super hot and girly. 

I forgot to mention, I was VERY close to cutting/doing my hair to a similar style. Very close.

Let's just take a gander at Spike in her natural, cool state rocking a Smiths T shirt before 500 Days Of Summer.

mickey d's and f21

Although it's still been pretty damn difficult for me to adjust being here at home after spending a month long in YOOTHTOPIA, I actually had a pretty decent Sunday spend with some friends. I got to get dressed and had my makeup done by the wonderful Joana. We strolled around town-- McDonald's, the mall-- to have fun for a small photo shoot. Here are some pictures...

Me being super suave.

Literally a Covergirl ad.

Fast food and gossip.

<3 Forever 21.

Me being a sassy teen.

I never thought I'd enjoy a day at the mall so fondly as I had on Sunday. I've somehow adapted the mindset that malls/department stores/all retail corporations are EVIL and POISONOUS. (I had a really frustrating experience at a Walmart one or two or five times and I really fucking hate that place.) But I still enjoyed myself and oddly enough, I enjoyed the stares we were getting from strangers because we were "dressed up" and we looked "our of sorts." A few days ago I read Arabelle's (Fashion Pirate) reply to another post by a girl I do not follow, about how this "weird girl trope" is becoming a means to identify what a smart, creative, funny, empowering female looks like. Arabelle basically defended herself by simply saying that she doesn't feel the need to validate herself and the choices she makes towards her appearance, and that how she chooses to look is an intimate form of her own interpretation of self expression. I've been at a loss. I agree with both of these ladies. I do look like what a feminist today, or on the internet, would look like. I carry that appearance, this "weird girl" obsession. I've started to question myself lately, wondering whether I look the way I do as a crutch to mask myself from being read easily by those around me. Or if I truly am invested in this new way that I'm expressing myself and that I just so happen to be drawing inspiration from this erupting new circle of feminists... I don't know. I don't want to be directed to look a certain way in order to be deemed as "creative, smart, funny, empowering," but I also don't want to look like/be like what everyone expects me to look/be. I am very conflicted.

an ode to my prepubescent lovers

1. River Phoenix

- I watched Stand By Me for the first time when I was like in 8th grade and although the other character were quite.. charming, I was hooked onto River, well, mostly his character Chris Chambers. What was it? The cuffed sleeves? The cigarettes? The heroic, vulnerable persona that lay underneath his tween male bravado? I don't know!

2. C. Thomas Howell

- Okay, so most people remember this guy as Ponyboy Curtis from The Outsiders, or the guy in Soul Man that ultimately ended his career as an 80's movie actor, sadly. Nonetheless, he was the reason I saw The Outsider more than thirty times. I think I might have every single picture and screencap of him in my photobucket account. I saw him in The Hitcher, Soul Man, Red Dawn, and even E.T., where he barely made an appearance on. I would rewind and replay all the scenes he had in E.T. I would record his funny lines on my phone and listen to it at night and pretend like he was my boyfriend. I even made sure I watched everything on youtube with him in it. And if he was shirtless, I paused each movement he made and saved a picture. I was that crazy. 

3. Christopher Knight

- I DON'T KNOW WHYYYY i had such a big crush on Peter Brady, I. Just. Did. I think it was probably because he was such this perfect, well-rounded, all-American character and I secretly wanted to corrupt and manipulate him with my imagination but let's just not get into that.

4. Zac Efron

- Let's face it. Every girl has fallen in love at least ONCE with a Disney Channel guy. For me, it was Zac... and Joe Jonas... and Phil from Phil Of The Future... but ANYWAYS, I remember watching this movie for the first time in 8th grade and I remember thinking everyday after that, that I would find someone like Zac's character in 17 Again when I got to high school. I just recently watched bits of this movie a few days ago, and the amount of unrealistic expectations handed to Zac was so unbelievable to me, it just simply made me laugh at my intense idealism I had for him just a few years ago.

5. Jon Crier? Is that how you spell it? Well I'm really just talking about Duckie anyways.

- I have always loved Duckie. Then, and now, just the same. I will never forgive Molly Ringwald for choosing PLAIN BLANE over this, eccentric, whimsical, passionate, burst of freshness.... Duckie! Seriously, Duckie is a dreamboat. I mean, he has the personality, the attitude, the erm, intelligence, the charm, GOD, just everything! Here comes the cliche: guys like this don't exist! And even if they do, we find them annoying in real life. I realized this later on when I had to deal with real life high school boys myself. But, Duckie has always had, and still has, a special place in my heart.

6. Sid Vicious

- It's like, wow, why did I choose this picture? Sid is making an ugly face and he isn't even trying to look good in front of the camera. Besides, his attitude is horrible and it matches his musical talents! That's the point! I don't know exactly what it is about Sid, but it's something about his tragic life, and his nonconformist attitude that transformed me during 9th grade when I """fell in love with him.""" I had just recently been getting into punk rock, listening to bands like The Clash, The Ramones, Rancid, Dead Kennedys, Agent Orange, and of course... Sex Pistols. I guess it was the controversy, the shocking features, and the i-don't-give-a-fuck attitude that drew me into the life of Sid. I felt different for liking punk, and for liking Sid. People thought I was weird, and I kind of liked it. I loved Sid, and I loved Sid & Nancy even more.