fourteen

I'm turning seventeen in a couple of months and getting ready for college in less than seven. A lot of things right now seem to be going by too quickly. I feel like I don't even have time to reflect on my life and who I currently am. I am endlessly worrying about what I need to do and who I need to be and there seems to be no room for laughter or love or childish games. Which I really miss.

I miss being fourteen (GOD I'm only a couple of years older so I really shouldn't even be nostalgic about ninth grade but still) and I miss the feeling that THIS song specifically gives me. I recently discovered Beat Happening (UGH where were you guys when I was a sad ninth grader?!) and I think they might be turning into my favorite band, like ever.

They give me positive chills up my spine that feels like having a first kiss and being weird about it.

i put a spell on you and now you're mine.

I absolutely fall in love with everything and anything fall/halloween/MY BIRTHDAY IN NOVEMBER related so now that it's september (and even though it's still hot as balls) I am filled with utter excitement and other emotions that probably don't have a word to describe how great the amount of LOVE/admiration/giddiness is inside of me. Wow, that was a whole sentence.

Anyways, I've been so inspired lately by all things Halloween-- specifically in the witchcraft category and overall supernatural spookiness in general! Here is a post dedicated to witchery and spiritual loveliness and autumn vibes.... In my mind.

Tavi Gevinson.

1940's Halloween pin-up girls.

Hocus Pocus babes. Loving Mary's hair and SJP's corsetted dress <3

Unknown. But still, the haunting chills this gives me is exactly what's been inspiring me this month...

A very sleazy looking psychic shop, just the way I like em.

Unknown. But again, there's something so intensely supernatural and soft about this.  So beautiful.

Unknown. Like a goth Tokyo babydoll.

Unknown.  I've spent many nights driving home by myself being spooked from having just done the Ouija board or coming from ghost hunting. This reminds me of those nights. 

Unknown. Reminds me of a Victorian cult member and I don't know why. 

Unknown. How do you survive the fall season without being nostalgic almost 24/7? Um, you don't.

Unknown. She puts a spell on me and now I'm hers.

The Craft. I finally saw it, well, at least the middle and end. I'm deeply in love with Nancy's wicked character. The other magical babes don't stand a chance. She adds spunk to the dark, melancholic archetype that is witchcraft.

degrassi babes

When I was an 8th grader going into the 9th grade, I created an elaborate fantasy in my mind telling myself that high school was going to be like Degrassi. I wanted the mean cheerleader, I wanted to know kids whose  parents had cancer or who had gotten abortions when they were like 14, I wanted to be in a band called The Zit Remedy and only have one hit single.. I had somehow connected in my mind that in order to have an interesting life, you had to have drama. And not just any regular teenage drama, DEGRASSI DRAMA.

There was a sudden urge to grow up for me, or at least, to be the cool high school girl. And in order to know how to do this, I turned to the closest thing I had that seemed like an adequate guide into teaching me how to handle lesbian teachers, shoplifting friends, parties with alcohol, and at the same time-- remaining ~cool~.

During my search for eternal high school coolness, I was going through an odd, yet totally not regrettable, 80's phase. I listened to Cars by Gary Numan for hours on end, I watched and watched and rewatched The Goonies until I was greeting my friends with, "HEEY YOU GUUUYYSSS," and I was collecting style ideas from icons like Cyndi Lauper, Molly Ringwald, and the totally cool babes from Degrassi (80's of course)

Here is a post made in honor of my two favorite style babes of Degrassi: Caitlin and Spike. 

Obviously Caitlin didn't really care what "flattered" her when it came to wardrobe, she always wore pretty loose-fitting clothing that was sometimes masculine. 

The Caitlin Ryan signature headband. There are so many failed attempts in my past of trying to do this look. Only Caitlin can do it </3

So new wave. The think I loved the most about Caitlin was that she didn't really "fit" into a certain clique in Degrassi. She flowed through different crowds and ultimately did her own thing and was still very likeable. 

Another masculine look on Caitlin. But she is still totally hot.

This one reminds me of a pirate version of Minnie Mouse. So rad.

I like to call her signature streak the "Bride of Frankenstien streak." I think it fits. I can't really tell in this picture but it looks like she's wearing a necklace with the Egyptian ankh symbol, this just makes Caitlin 103455993+ times more rad for being totally in touch with other cultures/religions!!! Ugh Caitlin <3

That hair. That brooch. That penetrating gaze.

Caitlin's outfit here reminds me of a really toned down version of Nancy Spungen. Shout out to Joey's fashion sense too.

I CANNOT elaborate enough on how much I love that print on Spike's sweater... or, how much I love Spike in general. She was pretty well known for sporting the vest/tee combo, bolo ties, scarves, turtlenecks, and even though everyone wore pretty big jackets during the winter, she sported the long coat the best.

Spike at it again with her vest/tee combo. Shoutout to Liz and her skinhead rebelliousness.

What I loved most about Spike and her style was that even though she was short, and I mean shorter than most of the girls on the show, she used her style and edginess to make herself seem far more than just the cutesy, little girl, which she definitely was not. That is a damn hard thing to pull off when you're short.

I never though spandex biker shorts and acid washed denim could look so good together.

Spike got me into dressing "punk" and somewhat "new wave." She wore skirts with clunky shoes and she wore cute cardigans with bolo ties. It made me feel like I didn't have to be restricted to the ideal feminine way of dressing. I can wear mini skirts and fat shoes with ties and still feel super hot and girly. 

I forgot to mention, I was VERY close to cutting/doing my hair to a similar style. Very close.

Let's just take a gander at Spike in her natural, cool state rocking a Smiths T shirt before 500 Days Of Summer.

vampires like to neck!

Today I learned that I can't seem to take a decent outfit picture of myself unless I'm making an incredibly dumb face with an incredibly weird stance.

black sweater - mom's.
shirt/dress - f21
bandeau - american apparel
skirt - goodwill

rosebowl flea market

rosebowl flea market

the internet.

Oddly enough as the year is starting to creep into fall, it's been getting hotter and hotter and I just can't wait for it to be October so I can taste the crispy cryptic air and wear beanies and cute scarves and fat funny sweaters. I need spooky vibes with friends and ghouls. I can't wait for Hallowe'en, although I still have no clue as to what I want to be.!

Also, I'm more frightened than excited for the next few months to come because of the fact that I'll be applying for REAL ADULT COLLEGES very, very, very soon! This is a scary thought and my anticipation has been drawn from more nervous roots than thrilled ones. We'll see how this changes in the next few months.

Anyways, it's almost fall but I don't care because pastels have been a current obsession for myself and many others and I will wear them even if the colors red, brown, and orange take over this season!

Ah, and those shoes! I love them, they are so dear to me. They will forever remain dear to me, they're my babies. I will cradle them to sleep each night and sing them a lullaby. I love these shoes, basically... I mean, they're clear, I can wear cute ass socks with them, how much more awesome can they get aside from the fact that they unfortunately steam up inside and make it seem like my feet are really sweaty? Even though they're not.

Well that's all, so long. Please help me come up with Hallowe'en costume ideas!!! (My hair will probably still be pink around this time)

waiting a million years, just for us.

Excuse me while I fall asleep and dream about Australian babes disappearing into eternal bliss...

I've learned to accept and love the ambiguity some movies force us to interpret on our own. This actually use to bother me quite a lot, back when I was a Hollywood-driven movie-goer who desperately required concrete characters, concrete emotions, a beginning, a middle, and a reasonable end.. to every movie. Picnic At Hanging Rock seems to capture the opposite of all of these things, with the addition of being beautiful in cinematography on its own. This movie seems to draw two separate, very distinct crowds: those who are either in love with the soft creepiness and abstract detailing of events, or those who are livid with the boring tale they watch and see no more than pretty pictures and an unsatisfactory story line. It's almost a bit funny how drastic these two ends of the spectrum coexist from each other. PAHR is a movie I'd probably love a lot more if I'd seen it BEFORE Virgin Suicides, and I hate saying that because it's just so great. But I can't seem to pull myself away from how much these two films relate to one another. Obviously, PAHR is a lot more poetic and Virgin Suicides can be a lot more symbolic. Either way, I've been drawing inspiration lately from  PAHR, not only from the visuals and eerie vibes its haunted me with, but with this soft understanding and ambiguous way of interpreting supernatural occurrences I've categorized in my life.

"What we see and what we seem are but a dream, a dream within a dream."